Poly-Marauders Torture Hell

[rab]

TIMELINE: 2 mo after Find Out Pregs. Relatively soon after getting Remus to return from being a TRASH HUSBAND. Bun In Oven about 3mo along.

Regulus finds out about the plan before he knows he's even supposed to be involved. He finds out when he overhears Bellatrix talking about it and his blood runs cold. He slips away quiet and hidden to send off a panicked owl with what information he can give without being incriminated.

S.

Do not go home tonight. B going there. Will be V. BAD. Safe elsewhere.

R.

Each emphasized word is underlined twice.

He barely gets it sent off and goes back among the others when Bellatrix slings an arm around his shoulder and asks him if he's excited to go on the mission. He forces a smile at her, but he feels like he's going to vomit. It's easy to get there though, easy to get to the flat with Bellatrix's...methods. They're left waiting for Sirius to return home and Regulus is only barely not shaking. Bellatrix is draped over an armchair like this is a social call, leg hanging over the arm of it. Regulus is standing nervously behind it and looking at the door every so often.

"You know he's not going to change his mind," said soft. They're not wearing their masks tonight.

There's a silence before Bellatrix's voice slithers out from her perch where he can't see her. Her knife smile is in his mind. "That's not the point, darling cousin."

(Regulus isn't religious, obviously, but what he does now is something very like praying.)

WARNINGS: torture, violence, Mean Things Being Said, Bellatrix Lestrange.

Comments

I LOVE PAIN

[effingsirius]

Sirius' mind is not necessarily on his personal safety, at the moment. It's dangerous, with a war on, but he's got a pregnant girlfriend and a werewolf boyfriend lost and now returned and two other partners in their own levels of panic. It's distracting.

It's got him careless.

So he isn't as sharp about checking the wards as he should be, when he gets home. He isn't looking out for any signs he isn't alone when he opens the door.

Isn't at all thinking to scan the room or properly turn on the lights before he settles properly into the flat and locks the door behind him.

All of them are mistakes. Mad-Eye Moody would probably be furious with him, if he'd known.

Too late to fix it now, though.

[rab]

When the door opens, Regulus' breath catches in his throat - but Bellatrix misses it because she's too busy being smug and then the door is locking and she waits, she fucking waits there in the dark until Sirius is far enough into the flat that he can't immediately get away before she sweeps to her feet with a delighted cackle.

"Look who's finally decided to join us for the evening, dear cousin! It's the blood traitor!" Regulus winces when she says it, but he's still behind her where she can't see. He wants to stay there, stay where he can stare at her back and burn holes into it--

She's already pointing her wand at Sirius though, any move to ask him being a total pretense. "We wanted to know if you'd like to finally redeem yourself by coming over to the winning side!" This is already going horribly, but at least she hasn't cast any spells yet.

Regulus' wand is out too, but it's pointed to the floor with a white-knuckled grip and his face is ashen. He supposes his owl didn't get there in time after all.

[effingsirius]

That cackle sends a chill down his spine and it's stupid but he flicks the lights on anyways, because at least if it's her he can fight her better if he sees her. He's quick about it, already spinning back to face her before she speaks. There's a snarl on his face as he aims his wand in her direction, one that only grows at her 'question.'

"Like hell am I going to join you and your band of nutters, Bella," he growls back, wand moving before he's even decided what spell to use--

--But then two things catch up to him at once: That Bellatrix had said 'dear cousin,' and hadn't been talking to him, and that there is Regulus, standing behind her with a look of fear briefly on his face that feels too familiar. It cuts Sirius off mid-word.

Another mistake in a line of many, really. Responding with this much shock leaves him wide open and vulnerable to any attack Bellatrix chooses to fling his way.

(The part of him that recognizes this is numb, quiet. Nothing matters when Regulus is afraid of him and Regulus is here and this is all Sirius' fault, for leaving him. He deserves whatever's coming to him at his brother and cousin's hand, for abandoning him there and making him into this.)

[rab]

Regulus sets his jaw before Bellatrix can see him and it's good, because she immediately draws him forward next to her. "We'd so love if you would. You see, you can never be what you were--"

There's a pause, and Bellatrix steps forward with a sickening smile. "Crucio." Then she waits - she waits until Sirius is on the ground before stepping closer to him to speak again. "You can never be what you were, but you can be something at least with the proper penance."

Regulus is behind Bellatrix again. He's behind Bellatrix again and his brother is on the ground writhing in pain and he makes a split-second decision. He flicks his wand toward Sirius where Bellatrix can't see but doesn't speak aloud, simply mouths the words Protego Duo. A shielding charm, stronger than Protego but not enough for something like Crucio. It's not something visible or noticeable though; no spell bounces off a shining shield, no visible or audible trace of it exists.

The charm slithers and coils around Sirius instead unseen, subtle and hidden and quiet like Regulus is. It won't protect him utterly, but it will make the pain lessen. It's as much as he can do without getting caught.

He's always been terribly good at both charms and not getting caught, that Regulus Black.

[effingsirius]

Regulus is looking resolute again and is standing next to Bellatrix like he belongs there, and it hurts. It hurts more than Sirius ever thought it could, to know that this is the cost of running, of being too weak to stay. He doesn't know if anything in the world could possibly hurt more than this.

But then Bella moves her wand and it does and Merlin, this is worse. This is worse than every single cut and bruise ever inflicted upon him in his parents' house, than every single full moon or injury acquired thus far in the war. This is worse than seeing Regulus turn into a Death Eater and it is unending. He thinks he's screaming, but he can't hear it because he feels like he's dying, he wants to be dead if it will make it stop--

--And then it's over, or at least it's not so all-encompassing. The ache is still there but he can think a little more clearly and he can see Regulus still there and Bellatrix looking gleeful and they want him to choose this?

"Fucking-- bitch," he gasps out, still trembling from the ache but with considerably more clarity in his eyes than just mere moments ago, "I am something, and it's better than you will ever be."

The sudden ability to speak makes Bellatrix's eyes narrow, and she lifts the spell only to hit him with another Crucio. The suddenness of it makes Sirius cry out again, but not nearly as much as he had been when the spell had been in full force.

Curious, curious, curious. Bellatrix snarls a little bit at the words her former cousin spits out to her but doesn't deign him with a response, instead turning to her far more beloved cousin.

"Regulus," she croons, "Clearly this piece of filth needs to be put in his place, but it appears that even all the hate I hold for him isn't nearly enough to accomplish the lesson. I'm sure you'd be much more effective at teaching him his place. Would you like to try?"

It really isn't much of a question at all.

[rab]

It's horrible. He knows it's infinitely worse for Sirius but just watching it regularly makes him ill, much less watching Bellatrix do it to his brother--it goes on so long. When Sirius swears at Bellatrix though he knows it's a mistake - his eyes widen slightly, and then Bellatrix is speaking to him. He startles and doesn't answer, but she takes it for speechless excitement and smiles, drawing him up closer.

"Go ahead, Regulus darling. I know you've been itching for this, I can see it in your eyes."

What's in his eyes is terror, but she doesn't see anything other than what she wants. He exhales shakily and raises his arm. He knows the charm will hold but his hands are shaking so badly that she's going to notice and--

"I can't."

There's a sickening silence.

"What?" It's sharp before she turns sweet again, shaking her head like he's said something funny. It's still dangerous. "Of course you can, Regulus! I've always known we've needed to toughen you up and this is the perfect chance! Here, I'll help you."

Her 'help' is to hold Regulus' wand arm with hers, guiding him to point it properly at Sirius and lean close to his ear to speak. "Just think, Regulus. Just hate. He abandoned his status, abandoned his family. He deserves this, doesn't he? We've kindly given him a chance to come home and he's thrown it in our faces."

Regulus' grip on his wand tightens and he exhales sharply through his nose. She's steadying his arm still but his hands won't stop shaking--finally he croaks out the tiniest whisper, barely audible.

"I can't."

[effingsirius]

He's left gasping and shaking when the curse finally lifts, and for a moment all he can focus on is breathing again. Is realizing that it's not hurting anymore. It keeps him distracted from the conversation Bellatrix and Regulus are having, until a sudden, cold silence falls over the room.

He can't help the way he glances up, suddenly terrified, though he isn't sure who for. He wishes he hadn't, because then Regulus and Bellatrix are standing side-by-side and Bella is telling him to hate and Sirius knows, knows that the hatred Regulus feels for him must be so much deeper than Bella's. That this is going to hurt and he is going to deserve every single goddamn moment for exactly the abandonment his cousin is speaking of.

It stops his heart. It honestly terrifies him. It's got him shutting his eyes in terror; in preparation for the wave of agony.

It doesn't come. It doesn't come, and Regulus is saying that he can't and fuck.

Sirius' eyes shoot open and he tries to marshal his shaking arms into getting him back up again. Hope hurts, but it's growing in his chest anyways because Regulus said he can't and Bellatrix is talking about toughening him up like he isn't already and fuck. Fuck. Now is not the time for the realization that's creeping into his mind.

"Reg--" His voice is already tinged with hoarseness when he speaks. He doesn't know what he wants to say; doesn't get it out anyways because Bellatrix is Silencing him as she rounds on Regulus.

"Regulus," she says, her voice sickly sweet and incredibly dangerous, "I think you're forgetting the goal here, sweet cousin. We're meant to remind this blood traitor that he's a place in our Lord's army. What would he say if he finds out that we didn't do everything we could to convince him of that?"

If Regulus didn't do everything he was meant to, specifically.

[rab]

The look on Sirius' face when he closes his eyes, that instinctive terror of Regulus, makes him want to die on the spot. He'd deserve it, after all. For making Sirius afraid of him like they'd been of their parents. (Like Regulus still is. He can't speak for Sirius, with a new home, a new family--) Bellatrix's words strike him suddenly like hot irons against his skin but he can feel his heart in his throat. He's going to vomit.

He's going to get punished. He's going to get killed for failing and he's going to deserve it, but not for the reasons the Dark Lord thinks.

"Bellatrix," he whispers, and it's pleading even though she's still holding his wand arm and he can't go anywhere, can't do anything. His mind is racing and he thinks he's come upon something, maybe: "let me try other methods. I know you love this--" torture, he means, "--but you know I prefer ways far more subtle. Your style is far more rightfully grandiose than mine, but I've my ways. Let me talk to him." Merlin, he's doing his best.

She almost seems to be considering it for a moment, but it's too little, too late. "No," she says finally, that danger still there. Still lurking. "No, that won't work this time, Regulus." This time has so many more implications. "You are going to cast the Cruciatus on him. This is the only way with his type, I'm afraid."

No. Even if he did try it would fail, and he can't. His breath shakes and he inhales, exhales, inhales again. "He's my brother, Bellatrix!" It's a shout when the rest had been quiet and even.

Bellatrix reels back and slaps him without a second thought. "You don't have a brother!"

The slap strikes him still: Bellatrix has never hit him before. The expression on Regulus' face will be painfully familiar to Sirius.

[effingsirius]

Every word in the exchange between Bellatrix and Regulus confirms for him what he was afraid he'd realize. Regulus doesn't want this. Regulus has been doing his best not to do all of this. Regulus might not love him anymore, but he at least cares enough not to hurt him. To call him brother.

He'd failed Regulus, and then he'd misjudged him, and now Regulus was about to get himself killed because of Sirius. That's absolutely unacceptable.

Something cold and certain settles in him when Bellatrix slaps Regulus. It's familiar in the same way that expression on his brother's face is. It's the kind of feeling he'd get, right before saying something to Walburga to get her attention on him instead of his brother.

Like aunt like niece, right?

"Hey bitch," he says, fighting back to a slightly more upright position and doing his best to sound bored and unaffected even though he's terrified and still feeling weak, "As fascinating as it is to watch you try to keep such a spineless lout in line, can you not get up to your crazy dominance shit in my house?"

His gaze flickers towards Regulus, and maybe his brother will catch the apology and the warning in his eyes. Regulus needs to do something to get back into Bella's good graces, but if he isn't then at least Sirius can try to get her attention back onto him.

It's almost enough. Bellatrix turns towards him with a bright fury in her eyes and strides forward to backhand him as well. The large ring on her hand leaves a familiar cut, and Sirius can't help the sharp laugh that escapes his lips at how alike this situation feels to the days at home for all everything has changed since then.

"What, was that rude?" he asks with a feigned innocence, "I suppose I'm sorry. Sorry that he clearly doesn't have the balls to do much more than kick a puppy and you clearly don't have the influence to make him do otherwise."

And now there's a wand pressed to his throat as Bellatrix grabs his hair, tugging his head back painfully so he meets her cold, bright eyes.

"I will show you both influence, you scum of the earth," she hisses, "Imperio."

And shit, that's not what he was anticipating and he should have been. He feels a hint of rage and fury before it's smothered under this odd sense of peace. Bellatrix's voice sounds like it's coming from the other end of a tunnel: "I really do regret that you have to learn this way, Regulus, but if you won't teach him, then I'll have to make sure you both learn at once. Sirius? Make him hurt."

Getting to his feet is oddly easy, for all he was having trouble before. He's stepping towards Regulus without thought, but the orders don't sit right in his chest. Making Regulus hurt doesn't seem right. Making Regulus hurt is wrong and goes against everything he believes in--

"--No." The fog clears as he speaks the word with certainty and he rounds on Bellatrix, "No, and fuck you, Bella."

He lunges towards her, intending to knock her over, but despite her surprise at him breaking out from the Imperius curse she still flicks her wand instantly. Suddenly, he's dangling in the air, blood rushing to his head, and Bellatrix looks absolutely like she'd kill him if she were allowed.

"It seems he needs softening up, still. Last chance, dear cousin," Bellatrix says softly to Regulus, "You can take it from here, or I will, and I'll leave the bare minimum of him left so he can crawl back to our Lord when I'm finished with him."

DO U WANNA STEAL A HORCRUX

[rab]

TIMELINE: 1 1/2 mo after torture thread. Long enough for Sirius to heal. Lily Preg 4 1/2 mo. No prophecy just yet so Potters not in hiding.

Regulus isn't sure when his vindictive anger has turned into a real plan, but it has over the past few weeks. Kreacher is doing better but he'll never be the same - Regulus wonders if the same will happen to him. He knows what to do though. He creates a replica of Salazar Slytherin's locket and folds a note into it cleanly, sealing it waterproof afterward. He smiles grimly at it and leaves it at home when he goes to meetings. He has to wait for the right time. There's another couple of weeks' preparation afterward, though it's for his new job spying on the Order.

(He has to be able to withstand torture, they say, as though the Order are the ones that torture people for information. It's fine. He can take it. They don't break him. It leaves them satisfied with his skill. Will make the Order believe he's defected, they say. Regulus wonders if they realize they're not being consistent with their reasoning.)

Finally, finally, he's meant to be sent off on his first mission to them. It's harrowing to think about what he's really going to do, but Bellatrix kisses his cheeks and tells him he'll be wonderful and he manages to smile at her, knife-like and smug. If they think he disappeared on the job, it means they won't suspect him of doing anything wrong. They won't go after his family. All right. That night he gathers what he needs, which isn't much. The locket, himself, Kreacher. It's enough.

He almost laughs aloud when he's meant to cut himself to pass wards. What a smug fucking bastard, he thinks, not for the first time, slicing open his palm jagged and raw. It hurts, but he's used to that. He's practically in a maelstrom of worry as they progress, Kreacher leading the way. It's only when they've ridden the small boat all the way to the center - to the potion - that Regulus comes back to reality, staring down at it. Right. He has to do this. Kreacher knows what to do. Make sure Regulus drinks it all no matter what, then switch the Horcrux with the fake locket. Then leave him there to die and go destroy the real one. It's a simple line of reasoning to follow. He starts drinking the potion on his own, dipping the goblet in and bringing it to his lips, hands shaking.

His entire body feels as though it is on fire.

Every nerve in his body is singing in desperate pain, feeling in equal parts burned away and raw - maybe they are both, he doesn't know. He manages to get through half of the potion before Kreacher has to help him, sitting on the ground as the Elf pours more of it down his throat, crying himself. Regulus can't see - what he can see is the way everything terrible he's ever done in his life is played back behind his eyes. Joining the Death Eaters, hurting people, not being able to save Sirius. He's going to die but he deserves it for everything terrible he's done, doesn't mind it because he can finally do some good--

--Kreacher is already switching the lockets when something slices through the torturous haze. Something he hasn't accounted for.

They don't know how to destroy it. Kreacher doesn't.

"Kreacher," he gasps out, desperately - "take--to Dumbledore." It's all he can get out before the thirst consumes him utterly and he crawls toward the water. By the time Kreacher finishes deciding whether Regulus means the locket or himself he's being dragged into the water and there's a yell of alarm, a small hand grabbing him, and a loud crack--

Side-along Apparition with a House Elf hurts more than it does with people. Or maybe it just does because every part of him is dying. But the thing about House Elf magic is it ignores the wards of Wizards and Kreacher is able to take him directly to Dumbledore's office inside Hogwarts, soaking wet and sobbing and laying at his feet bleeding and broken. Even Dumbledore doesn't know what to do with him but Kreacher explains and he can help, settling the younger Black brother in hiding and tending him until he's able to travel.

It takes days, but finally he's well enough to be moved. There's permanent damage to his right leg and he'll never walk without a cane - his nerves really were being singed away - and he's pale and wan and sunken but he's stable and that's all they can ask for right now. Dumbledore chooses where to take him carefully before bringing him along to an Order safe house, pausing outside before sweeping in. It's the house that Sirius is currently at, naturally.

Regulus inhales sharply because he never expected to be here. Never expected to be alive. Never expected to be forced to face Sirius again, to account for his failures with a man that surely hates him. He stands rail straight and resolute in the entry even though he's gripping so tightly to the head of his cane that his knuckles are white. It's a little funny maybe, that he looks well put-together even while so clearly ill.

Finally, Dumbledore speaks, booming as he ever does when he's calling for attention. "Mister Black, if you would come here and assist with our newest ward? I'm afraid I can't stay long."

He's not talking to Regulus.

OR MAYBE KILL THE DARK LORD?

[effingsirius]

Healing the broken bones had been quick as those things could be, although it had been a delicate process with how thorough the breaks to his legs had been. Bellatrix was very skilled at what she did. Healing the emotional trauma was taking longer. Sirius doesn't flinch at wands pulled out in his vicinity anymore, at least, and he's counting that as enough of a win. The nightmares are standard fare of being in the middle of a war, anyways, and he's learning to stay quiet even when he wakes from them so that he doesn't startle whoever he's sharing the bed with that night.

It means he's not as well-rested as he could be, but that's standard fare of being in the middle of a war, too.

It also means that he'll still be looking a little tired around the edges when Dumbledore calls for him. It also means that, for a brief moment when he sees Regulus in the doorway, he can't help but freeze. His entire body is immediately screaming for either fight or flight. He isn't entirely certain the brief surprise (the brief fear) is kept from his face.

He takes a shaky breath; another, and the relief and something approaching happiness that settles on his face is far more reflective of how he feels to see his brother.

"Regulus," he says, moving forward once he's certain he's not shaking, "You're here. What happened?"

He wants to fling his arms around his brother in a hug, but he's not certain the other man could take it and he's not certain his heart can stand him flinching away. Instead, one hand is offered nervously but eagerly to him.

"C'mon, let's get you inside. --Thank you, Dumbledore."

I THINK SOME MURDER IS OVERDUE

[rab]

Those emotions are not, in fact, kept from Sirius' face and they hit Regulus like a physical blow. He's gotten good at hiding his emotions, at compartmentalizing so that he doesn't get caught but this is... different. Something indescribable floats across his expression, but the main component is hurt, second only to guilt.

He exhales sharp and it's shaking--trembling from a mix of remorse and self-loathing. He's about to speak when Dumbledore does it for him.

"Young Mister Black arrived in my office a few nights ago with something that will change the entire tide of the war, but that means now I must tend to it. I leave him in your capable hands."

It's like he knows--Regulus takes Sirius' hand tentatively, like he thinks it's a trap even though now his brother looks happy--and takes a step forward that thunks hard on the floor with his cane. "Sirius," he breathes, and it's a little hoarse.

Once he's sure they're going to be able to work things out, Dumbledore takes his leave.

MAYBE START WITH THESE DEATH EATERS DOWN THE HAAAALLLL

[effingsirius]

The hurt what sticks out to him, of course, and now Sirius is the one with guilt twisting in his gut. But Regulus takes his hand anyways, and Sirius squeezes it as though he can communicate every emotion he's feeling in the moment. His goodbye to Dumbledore is a little short. He's quite distracted.

"Reg," he says, and there's something bright in his voice-- relief, or joy, or something, even Sirius isn't certain, "I was so worried about you. C'mon, let's get you lying down."

He really looks like he needs to lie down.

IT GETS A LITTLE LONELY, THAT HOUSE WAS LIKE A TOMB

[rab]

Regulus waits until Dumbledore is gone before he speaks again. When he does his voice is shaking and he looks like he's about to cry--"I'm fine," he manages, "I don't need to lay down."

It just goes downhill from there, even though Sirius is standing here in front of him, isn't physically broken anymore. "I'm so sorry," he gasps out on a sob, unable to keep it in anymore even though they're still in the entryway. "I'm sorry for--everything, for not being able to stop her, not being able to help you, I had to leave you, I understand if you hate me--"

He hasn't let go of Sirius' hand though, clutching at it desperately. It's like he hasn't even registered the good emotions in Sirius' voice.

PEOPLE TORTURED AS YOU WALK BYYYYYYYYY

[effingsirius]

Regulus isn't letting go of his hand, but Sirius is letting go of Regulus'. He can't help it. He absolutely has to move in to hug his brother, no matter how public a place they're in. It's an instinct older than everything they've been through.

"Don't apologize," he says fiercely, "You think I don't realize you almost got killed trying to save my life? Merlin, Reg, she was trying to get me to hurt you. Why didn't you just play along?"

SIRIUS PLEASE I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE, DON'T RUN OFF ALONE AGAIN

[rab]

Regulus flinches but it's not because it's Sirius - he's too used to the torture now, still too pained from the after-effects. But he relaxes into it, shaking his head and burrowing it into Sirius' shoulder. "I fucked up," he whispers, barely audible.

"If I'd been able to derail her enough she wouldn't have escalated, it wouldn't have gotten so bad--" At Sirius' question his head snaps up to stare at him, eyes wide. "She really would have killed both of us then," he says, "that curse doesn't work if you don't really hate someone. It... It would have failed, and she would have known I was lying about just doing it to be a spy."

Ah. So that's it.

WELL REG MAYBE I'M NOT GOING TO. I'D STAY HERE IF YOU JUST STAY IN BED

[effingsirius]

"Sorry," he murmurs at the flinch, but he doesn't pull away because he can't bring himself to, and Regulus in leaning in anyways.

He shakes his head at Regulus increasing list of supposed sins. It isn't until the confession, though, that he stills again, his own eyes widening with surprise, before they melt into something young and vulnerable and hopeful.

"You--" He can't even put it to words. He'd known Regulus had cared, after all, at least enough not to want to harm him. He knows Regulus had said he'd loved him, when he left. It's still a very different thing from not hating him, as well, "--Surely you hate me at least enough for it to have worked a little. I left you."

ONE-SHOT AU: WHAT IF

[rab]

Regulus had done his best. He really, truly had. He'd tried to save Sirius from getting tortured at Bellatrix's hands but he'd just made it worse, in the end. He'd tried to keep his brother coherent too, but Bellatrix had made sure to give Sirius a concussion before they had to leave. A bad one. The sound his head makes is sickening.

He's shaking. Bellatrix leaves first but he doesn't have the time to do anything constructive. He flicks his wand to cast the strongest numbing charm he knows on Sirius to dull the pain, whispers an "I'm sorry," and leaves.

(Cruciatus, Imperius, broken bones, a concussion.)

He finds out that Sirius is in St. Mungo's later and he'd known it would be that way but his heart sinks anyway. He waits until he can get away without fear of being caught and sneaks-bribes-slithers to his brother's room, barely even breathing as he pushes open the door carefully. He just wants to check. He needs to see he's alive. Needs to know he's going to be (physically) all right.

He needs a lot of things.

:>

[effingsirius]

He's actually unconscious, at first, when Remus finally finds him. He's a mess-- one broken arm, both legs all but shattered, broken ribs, and a concussion that keeps him mostly incoherent even when he does regain consciousness. He's hurting enough that he's crying as soon as he's awake enough to register the pain, barely able to gasp out the words, "Bellatrix," and "Regulus" at Remus. He knows whatever else he mumbles-- his attempts at explaining that his brother still cares; why Sirius was chosen; Bellatrix's cruelty-- is lost in the pain in his voice and the quiet sobs and the way his thoughts are scattering like butterflies. He can't keep his focus. Every time he blinks, it's like something else has changed. Remus looking frantic, Remus looking furious, a Healer with him now--

He blacks out again shortly just before they get him to St. Mungo's. Keeps drifting fitfully in and out of consciousness, though he stays asleep likely more than he realizes.

At least, now he's in the hospital, things don't hurt anymore.

[siriusno]

If rage could trigger his transformations, Remus might never have been fully human again. He'd seen red when they found Sirius, bound and broken by his family who should have cared for him and protected him. Worse, by his brother – his brother whom they'd trusted, whom Remus had loved – who had somehow weaseled is way into their hearts only to betray them the very moment they'd been foolish enough to let their guards down.

Never again.

Had he been able to transform without the power of the full moon, he'd have changed in a heartbeat; he'd have sniffed out both of the vile Death Eaters and shown them the true meaning of blood lust.

As it were, Remus simply made a vow: he vowed never again to be deceived; never again to let his emotions cloud his better judgement; never again to let someone in so far that they could ruin him like this – break his heart and hurt his friends (his fault). Above all else, he vowed never again to leave Sirius vulnerable. He'd let his friend down, and that was as despicable as if he'd cast the spells himself.

And so he stood guard in the private room in St. Mungo's, stalking back and forth like a caged animal between Sirius' bed and the door. He itched to take action, but refused to so much as take a seat until Sirius was out of danger.

[rab]

If Remus had been able to do so, Regulus probably would have let him.

Regulus expects someone to be in the room with Sirius, but somehow he hadn't expected it to be Remus. Remus who is facing away from him on a course back toward the bed, who Regulus can recognize just from the shape of his shoulders. He feels sharp and broken and bitter - the little resolve he'd managed to pull together drains out of him like so much water and he stills as soon as he's inside the room, breathing out ragged and weak.

"Sirius," he croaks out, but he chokes on the word as it leaves his throat because he can see his brother there on the bed, looking small and it's his fault. Then: "Remus." It's hoarse.

He hasn't moved for his wand. He probably should have.

[siriusno]

Who better to stand guard than Remus? Considering it was his fault that Sirius had ended up here in the first place. None of this would have happened if he hadn't been so weak, charmed like the schoolboy he was by an intriguingly uncommon smile and a sob story that only a true fool could have believed. It was enough to make him crave the mindless abandon of transformation; at least then he wouldn't have to live with what he'd done to his best friend.

The sound of his name makes him whirl about, wand at the ready, keeping the bulk of his frame between Sirius and the intruder. "You," he hisses in a voice that's barely recognizable as his own, eyes wide and wild with a dangerous sort of light. His wand hand twitches, but he doesn't attack; the quarters are too close here and if Regulus retaliates, a stray spell could hit Sirius. No, when he attacks - and he will attack – he'll have one chance and one chance alone. He'll have to make sure it counts.

He'll have to make sure his hand isn't shaking.

"You have the nerve to show up here? After what you've done?"

[rab]

He deserves this. He knows he does, the ire and pure fury thrown his way. He's let this happen to Sirius, let him be hurt. Let Bellatrix hurt him, made things worse by being unable to keep up the act. Still, Remus' reaction makes his heart drop into his stomach and his eyes widen - he takes an instinctive step back at the look in Remus' eyes, unfamiliar and terrifying. He's never been frightened of him before this moment, but now he feels like he's looking at a stranger. A stranger that wants to kill him.

(A cruel part of his mind whispers you should let him but he holds the guilt of killing on his conscience. Remus is a better person than he is and he wouldn't wish that guilt on him for anything.)

"I—" Remus has his wand out, could easily strike out but doesn't. Regulus knows better than to let it blossom into hope. No, he knows the impracticality of close-quarters. He's just waiting. Somehow, that hurts the most. "I'm sorry," he croaks out, "I tried to stop her but she wouldn't, I did everything I could but she kept going, she wouldn't listen, it was all I could do to keep her from killing him—" he has both hands raised slightly as he speaks, disarming and empty, flattened out protectively.

"Remus, please. I came to see him, to apologize for not being able to help him." There's something like a sob thick in his throat. "Please."

[siriusno]

"DON'T LIE TO ME," Remus roars, squaring his stance and drawing back his wand into an offensive position. He's got the slender piece of cyprus in a vice grip, but his hand at least has stopped shaking as the unyielding force of his rage overwhelms him, fueled even hotter by the look on Regulus' face. Regulus, who's so practiced and adept at controlling his micro-expressions that he can fool even the Dark Lord himself into thinking he's one of his most loyal followers; or, as has been made so excruciatingly clear to Remus, to trick the good into trusting him with false pretenses of hurt and pathetic displays of alleged inner turmoil.

If he were in his right mind, Remus might have realized that it was the degree to which Regulus' betrayal had hurt him (like a serrated blade plunged straight through his heart) that was causing him to lose himself so completely. He can't bear the pain of knowing how wrong he'd been, nor does he have the capacity to fully process the complete mess he's made by letting one of the Dark Lord's servants into his heart at the cost of someone he loves so dearly. He's paying a price of a magnitude that he can't fully comprehend yet, and the sheer immensity of his guilt and remorse is simply too much. And so he's retreated into the safety of that ferocious anger, so much akin to what he experiences when he transforms in the sense that he hardly knows what he's saying anymore, but merely aims to hurt, and will only come back to himself in time to witness the damage he's left in his wake:

"You may have exposed me for the fool that I am but no more. I know it was you - you and that lunatic, Lestrange - Sirius said so himself, so don't you dare think you can show yourself here and try to claim anything otherwise." His eyes blaze as the words spill forth, unchecked and raw with emotion. "You had me so blinded, didn't you, you snake? Wrapped around your slippery little finger. I fell for every one of your sorry tales of threats and manipulation when it was never something done to you, but taught to you, wasn't it?"

He draws a ragged breath, eyes narrowing, his wand hand never wavering and his gaze never breaking from where it holds Regulus'. When he continues, his words are low and dangerous, tight with the vengeance that he has ready to unleash at a moment's notice. "It took what you did to Sirius to open my eyes, but I see you now, Regulus Black, for who you really are–"

Savagely, he spits onto the floor at Regulus' feet. "You're just like your parents."

[rab]

Something in him shrivels up and dies right then and there. As soon as those first words leave Remus' mouth he realizes just what's happening - he's not angry with Regulus for what he'd thought was the case — a failure on his part. Remus believes he participated, that he did it on purpose. Sirius has told Remus this, even though Regulus had tried his best to help him. A low sob chokes and dies in his throat and he realizes in that moment that for the first time in his life, he really is well and truly alone. For the first time, he's truly frightened of both the man he loves and his own brother.

Abandoned by Sirius, hated by Remus. There's nothing left for him. He almost wants to try to goad Remus on into killing him just to put himself out of his misery but he can't bring himself to do it despite everything. "That's what... That's what Sirius said? That I did it?" He feels cold and empty as he slumps against the door, looking at Remus hollowly as he continues to berate him—

—the way Remus spits and the last words he says have the biggest effect on him of any of it. His face contorts painfully as he jerks back a little further to press himself against the door and lets out a noise akin to a dog that's been kicked, high-pitched and agonized. It's another thing he has in common with Sirius, like their laughs. The sob rips out of his throat this time and he covers his face with his hands, entire body trembling. He thinks it would hurt less if Remus had just stabbed him in the heart. He knows he's completely vulnerable like this but he doesn't care. Remus is probably going to think he's still faking it and Sirius planted that seed so what does it matter? He's still crying. He feels like he's going to hyperventilate.

"Don't say that," he whispers, "please, anything but that—" that whimper again, utterly broken. He's waiting for Remus to definitely kill him. "I never lied to you," his words all feel like dust in his mouth. "I would never, please, Remus I love you, how can you say that after everything they did to Sirius and me, I showed you what they did, I trusted you with those secrets—"

(So, about that hyperventilating. He can't breathe. He wants to die, it will be better than this, better than knowing that Remus thinks this of him.)