Sirius Black [Maraduders Era] (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
effingsirius) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
marauderstower2016-10-03 05:45 pm
effingsirius) wrote in marauderstower2016-10-03 05:45 pm
a crack in the ice | post-christmas break, first year | tw: child abuse
He's obviously subdued when he comes back from Christmas break. He smiles at his friends, but he manages to ward off any hugs by clinging tight to his trunk so that he doesn't leave any arms free. There's something off about the way that he holds himself, but he manages to laugh with the rest of them and listen to stories of the holiday break with cheer.
If anyone notices that he keeps his own stories to himself, or that his laugh dies almost the instant it seems right to, it's likely the merry band of friends who've begun to call themselves the Marauders.
It isn't until they make their way up the stairs to the Tower that it becomes clear the silence is hinting at an unspoken problem. It is until they're all changing for bed that he realizes there's no way to hide the bruises from the other boys sharing the room.
Shrugging his shirt off is a quick thing, done when he hopes no one notices. He's not fast enough. Eventually, someone's going to notice. Eventually, someone's going to say something.
But until then, Sirius is going to keep to himself just how terrible of a person he is. Maybe if he keeps it secret long enough, they'll still think he deserves to be their friend.
If anyone notices that he keeps his own stories to himself, or that his laugh dies almost the instant it seems right to, it's likely the merry band of friends who've begun to call themselves the Marauders.
It isn't until they make their way up the stairs to the Tower that it becomes clear the silence is hinting at an unspoken problem. It is until they're all changing for bed that he realizes there's no way to hide the bruises from the other boys sharing the room.
Shrugging his shirt off is a quick thing, done when he hopes no one notices. He's not fast enough. Eventually, someone's going to notice. Eventually, someone's going to say something.
But until then, Sirius is going to keep to himself just how terrible of a person he is. Maybe if he keeps it secret long enough, they'll still think he deserves to be their friend.
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He's starting to make an impact, if the nervous uncertainty in his eyes is any indication. He's not all the way there yet.
He probably won't be there for a while, but it's a start.
"I-- deserve it."
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There has to be.
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"I don't-- I don't know, Remus..."
A part of him wants to believe him. Another part of him doesn't want the burden of realizing that all the hurt of these past 11 years is so entirely unnecessary.
"'ve never-- Your parents really don't--? And you-- you don't think they'd-- do it t'me, either?"
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It feels a little bit like when his father suckerpunches him. It's left him reeling just a little bit.
"And that's... how it's-- supposed to be? Even if you're a bad person?"
we have age-appropriate accounts now woo
still makes it worse ; ;
"Oh, don't--" he says, and there's obvious nerves in his voice for it, "They're not-- bad. It's just-- traditional, and I need to be-- better."
yeppppp
/single tear
It's such a part of him, after all. He doesn't know what he'd do, if everything he's built himself on isn't good.