spoopy shenanigans [ota]

[effingsirius]

It's Halloween. Clearly this means it's time for shenanigans.

Or at least a party. Come costumed (or at the very least clothed.) Here there be alcohol and spoopiness.

Have fun!



[ooc: sob idk what this is go forth and have fun ppl i guess toplevel and attack at will?]

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[effingsirius]

For a moment, a part of him wants to believe he's saying what he's always wanted him to. A part of him wants, desperately, for that look in Remus' eyes to be Saying Something.

But then that part of him quiets entirely beneath the reminder that Remus loves Regulus. That Sirius has never been deserving of Remus. That the hope he's reading into Remus' look and words is solely wishful thinking.

"I know." And he is, at least, certain that Remus loves him like a brother. He can breathe and smile for that, shaky but real, back at at Remus, "I do, Moony. And I promise I'm-- happy for you."

That's true, too, at least.

"You should-- go back in. Check on Reg. He's probably freaking out again."

I'd like to take this moment to remind you that Remus is still in a freaking sheep onesie

[siriusno]

It's clear that Sirius doesn't understand the magnitude of what he's said – doesn't really get what he's trying to say at all. If he does, he's doing an admirable job of hiding it. Perhaps it's for the best, though. If Sirius doesn't fully grasp what he'd been trying to say. It's not like it would make a difference, anyway. Nothing would change.

He watches Sirius closely for a moment, scrutinizing his expression for any hint of... he doesn't know what. Finally, he nods. With one last squeeze to the fabric between his fingers – not even something Sirius would be able to feel – he releases his grasp on Sirius' sleeve.

It feels like letting go of something forever.

"You'll be all right?"

i cannot believe

[effingsirius]

He'll probably see the hint of resignation, but Sirius still remembers how to do this. His expression won't reveal much else-- not how devastated he is. Not how much this hurts.

It takes him a moment to remember he's supposed to be unquestionably happy. The smile trembles, but he keeps it on his face anyways.

"Of course I will be."

[siriusno]

Something still doesn't feel right about leaving it like this. He can tell Sirius is holding something back, but he isn't at all certain what it is.

He hates this, really. Hates the feeling of a wall rising between them and being left with no way to rectify the problem. Of course Sirius is going to be distant after Remus had lied to him for so long. He'd brought this upon himself, dammit. He can't complain about having to lie in the grave he'd dug all on his own. Still, he hesitates, finding it hard to turn away once and for all.

"...okay..." As though just remembering it, he holds out the bottle of firewhiskey, half wondering if he oughtn't have returned to the party with it if just to make sure Sirius doesn't finish the bloody thing on his own.

"If you need to talk, you'll find me, yeah? Promise?"

[effingsirius]

He tries not to look too eager when he takes the bottle back. He doesn't take a swig of it just yet, though that's mainly because he's trying to still finish of his cigarette.

His nod is mostly instinct, but he somehow manages a smile.

"If I need to talk."

It isn't going to be talking that he needs. Moony doesn't need to know that. He just needs to think that maybe Sirius will come and talk to him about things so that Sirius has enough time to drown himself in the firewhisky and act Normal the rest of the night.

He can get into a fight or a crash or something to kill the pain tomorrow. Reguls and Remus' eyes will be far too sharp tonight.

[siriusno]

He watches Sirius for a moment longer, but finally he nods. Sirius is going to do what he wants like Sirius always does, and right now it's obvious that he doesn't want to talk. Doesn't want to be around Remus at all, if the tension he thinks he's picking up is anything to go by.

"Right then."

And it's awkward, turning his back on someone who'd been the center of his world for so long, who'd held more of his esteem and affection than any other living person, especially with the lingering feeling that something's been left unsaid. He'd said his piece, though. And now there's nothing more to say. And so he forces himself to turn – to put one foot haltingly in front of the other – and return to the party, not looking back.

He's going to need a damn stiff drink after this one.

[effingsirius]

"Later, Moony."

It takes everything in him not to say 'goodbye.' It will feel too final-- like he's giving himself an out that he's not sure he wants to take.

So instead he downs enough of the bottle to make himself feel fuzzy around the edges. He smokes until he can breathe again.

Returns to the party with a smile that doesn't feel at all real, but is still looks surprisingly good, all things considered.