Remus is quiet for a long time, clinging to Regulus and listening to the cutting words that pour out of him. They're difficult words to hear, for Remus especially, but he forces himself to try to really listen to what Regulus is saying. If he's serious about loving Regulus - about not making the same mistakes twice - then he has to know Regulus like he hasn't been able or willing to before. He has to see all of the darkness and accept that side of his love for what it is, not turn away or pretend that the darkness hasn't always been there, a part of him.
And it's hard. Harder than perhaps any other part of this war so far, to listen to and internalize the knowledge that these horrible acts were done by the man in his arms. Remus had never been unaware of what it it meant to be a Death Eater, but he can't deny that he's been nothing short of blind when it comes to Regulus. It's not that he didn't know, but he simply never could bring himself to acknowledge that the Death Eater and the boy he'd grown to love were and always have been one and the same, by choice or otherwise.
Somewhere along the line, his thumb had begun to stroke Regulus' shoulder, mimicking the small circles of his hand before, unconsciously. After Regulus is finished speaking, Remus is quiet for a long time, ruminating on all he's heard. He wants to take the easy way out. Wants to tell Regulus over and over that it's all right, it wasn't really his fault, as he always has. But this time, he bites his lip, and refuses to allow the comforting words to escape.
Finally, he lets out a soft sigh, because what is there to say, really?
"I love you," he whispers, nosing against Regulus' hair where his cheek still rests. "Those horrible things that you've done... they'll never go away. I've no doubt you'll feel them forever." He sounds distant, as though he were speaking to himself, thoughts far away from the little room they sit in. "Perhaps there is no forgiveness for the evil we've done in our lives, and living with the blood on our hands is the only penance we can ever hope to pay."
He takes another, shakier breath then, letting it out unsteadily and tightening his grip on Regulus before he continues. "But you made a choice, in the end. To be different. You made a sacrifice, and you walked willingly to your death for the sake of the greater good. You say you were scared as though you ought to be condemned for it, but we're all scared, Reg. And you went anyway." He blinks, staring at the blank off-white of the wall without seeing it, wondering idly if he ought to have some point that he's trying to get to. For now, he's just speaking the words as they come.
"And... you were supposed to die. Maybe you did deserved to - that's not for me to say. But you didn't die. You sacrificed yourself, and you were given a second chance." He pauses again, squeezing his eyes shut and turning his face into Regulus' hair once more, needing the comfort but never quite finding enough somehow. "I think you should use it."
no subject
And it's hard. Harder than perhaps any other part of this war so far, to listen to and internalize the knowledge that these horrible acts were done by the man in his arms. Remus had never been unaware of what it it meant to be a Death Eater, but he can't deny that he's been nothing short of blind when it comes to Regulus. It's not that he didn't know, but he simply never could bring himself to acknowledge that the Death Eater and the boy he'd grown to love were and always have been one and the same, by choice or otherwise.
Somewhere along the line, his thumb had begun to stroke Regulus' shoulder, mimicking the small circles of his hand before, unconsciously. After Regulus is finished speaking, Remus is quiet for a long time, ruminating on all he's heard. He wants to take the easy way out. Wants to tell Regulus over and over that it's all right, it wasn't really his fault, as he always has. But this time, he bites his lip, and refuses to allow the comforting words to escape.
Finally, he lets out a soft sigh, because what is there to say, really?
"I love you," he whispers, nosing against Regulus' hair where his cheek still rests. "Those horrible things that you've done... they'll never go away. I've no doubt you'll feel them forever." He sounds distant, as though he were speaking to himself, thoughts far away from the little room they sit in. "Perhaps there is no forgiveness for the evil we've done in our lives, and living with the blood on our hands is the only penance we can ever hope to pay."
He takes another, shakier breath then, letting it out unsteadily and tightening his grip on Regulus before he continues. "But you made a choice, in the end. To be different. You made a sacrifice, and you walked willingly to your death for the sake of the greater good. You say you were scared as though you ought to be condemned for it, but we're all scared, Reg. And you went anyway." He blinks, staring at the blank off-white of the wall without seeing it, wondering idly if he ought to have some point that he's trying to get to. For now, he's just speaking the words as they come.
"And... you were supposed to die. Maybe you did deserved to - that's not for me to say. But you didn't die. You sacrificed yourself, and you were given a second chance." He pauses again, squeezing his eyes shut and turning his face into Regulus' hair once more, needing the comfort but never quite finding enough somehow. "I think you should use it."